Ben Gonshaw: Digital Media Theorist & Game Design Consultant
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IMPENETRABLE MADNESS

8th March 2005

I wait. I spend a long time waiting. Although I can get upwards of 100k/second for a download, this 200meg behemoth takes an interminable amount of time to make its way to my hard drive, and this is only the demo!   Finally, the wait is over. More accurately, after having forgotten that I had set it downloading, Firefox politely lets me know that the download has finished. I launch the installer, and fire up the game.

At first I am impressed and then baffled. Why did they put such a long FMV sequence in there? At least 25meg of unnecessary extra bloat and added download time to keep me from starting the game. Yes, it’s very pretty, beautiful cloth rendering and all the mod cons, and then I saw the woman. Everyone else is wearing thick padded clothes no doubt against the harsh winter conditions and then all of a sudden this vision appears dressed in a bra and what appears to be a towel hanging out of her panties. I hit the skip button in disgust at how puerile it is, only to be hit with another bout of loading.   I am unceremoniously plunged into a server selection screen. No ‘this is our game’ no start screen, nothing, just a ‘where do you want to play?’. If I had never gamed online before I’d be totally baffled by this, and even so, this jarringly inelegant solution riles me. Onwards into the game, if I still have the stomach for it.

Another options screen, it looks like character creation, I mess with my point balance until I have something middle of the road. I’ve not played this before, so who knows what each of the arcane (and therefore arbitrary at this stage) options may do. Go for something of an all rounder and specialise later. Spawn, die. Oh. It turns out that it wasn’t character creation, it was a Counter Strike style equip screen. All I can choose now is a bow and arrow.

Spawn, die. Spawn, die. Why don’t my arrows fire when I press the button? Spawn, die, spawn, die, spawn, die. Ahh, you have to hold down the left button to fire an arrow instead of the usual tap. Spawn, die, spawn, die.   There is no tutorial, no single player mode to test things out, just trial-by-fire in a game that blends RTS and FPS, with unfamiliar weapon styles and changes between third and first person by weapon choice, not my choice.   I am left baffled. I want to know more about the game, because the idea is just so good, but the environment is too punitive. After a few more spawn, dies I start being team killed every time I spawn anew.   I exit, uninstall and certainly do not purchase the game. I still have a nagging feeling that the game is hiding something clever, but I never get to experience any of it beyond the death effect and the equip screen. Deep down I am upset to have missed out on what looks like a rewarding experience.

Lessons for Downloadable Games Developers 1: Size The download size has to be manageable. Don’t go more than 15meg if possible, certainly not more than 30meg.   2: Accessibility You need a tutorial. Players from all over, some of whom still think that Spades is a computer game, are going to be grabbing your demo. Ease everyone into the game gently and allow those with more knowledge to skip forwards if they catch on fast. If it's an online game, have a server for people who have never played before to learn the ropes, better still have an off-line mode as well, so you can mess around until things click into place without your own team killing you for being a learner.   3: Content Don’t treat your audience as adolescent boys. There are people out there who are older than 20, half of whom are (gasp) female. The next time I see a game, even a worthy game, sporting a female character from a lingerie commercial I’m going to do something drastic, like a DOS attack as a public service to prevent the spread of medical idiocy in our youth.

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